the loneliness has just sunk in
so i've picked up some paper and a pen
i'll hash it all out!
write everything down!
maybe that will cure my frown
but, too bad,
no matter what i do
nothing fills the void left from you
i've screamed and cried
then dried my eyes
but nothing really helps
i lay awake night after night
the desire to sleep puts up such a fight
i can't go on
this takes so damn long
and all i want is you
i must press on
i will stay true
so you should know
i'm waiting for you
I think your vision for this was pretty cliched. It's all been done before. Many write about this topic for it comes up often in a lifetime.
I'm sorry to say this is not very original. It is always done and a VERY common topic. But I do like the way you worded it, so I gave you 2 stars.
As I previously said, the way you worded it was nice, but it has a very strange rhyme pattern. It puzzled me for awhile there.
This did not make a big impact upon my life. Today, I'm thinking about it but tomorrow it will slip my mind.
I am sorry but this is how I feel about this poem. Do not take it much to heart, much of your other work is fabulous but this was pretty disappointing.
The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork
Please sign up or login to post a critique.